Monday 2 May 2011

Blue Valentine

I love when your parents fly in for a visit, because you acquire this temporary warm and fuzzy feeling, but you also get spoiled!
So tonight you better believe that my mom and I sat in our robes, ordered room service, and rented Blue Valentine for $13.99. OUCH
It's always an uncomfortable thing to watch numerous sex scenes with your folks. Embarrassment, and fear waft over you. The same exact rush of emotion you got as a kid, when you knew the Birds and The Bees talk was coming your way. But I'm an adult; Does this ever go away?
Come to think of it, it's probably even worse as an adult because now you're looking at the scenes trying not to get turned on.
Anyway, regardless of the hot shots, this movie was good enough to have me write this blog; Great enough to having me thinking about it for the rest of the week; Excellent enough to have me dreaming about Gosling hopefully for the month, and fabulous enough because for once I could honestly relate.
I could relate so closely that it actually made me feel better about my relationship. Not that my relationship with Parry (name changed to protect his identity) is dreadful by any means. It's probably one relationship I'll have the honour to live out for the rest of my life… awwwww (insert heart here, but do notice the "probably" in that sentence… read on).
But Parry and I are human, and it's not always butterfly kisses and craft time. Although, I constantly encourage craft time as a perfect way to spend our "Emily and Parry Nights " together. But to my re-occurring surprise, I always get turned down. He's nuts!
And it's stupid stuff like, that give me the idea at times that maybe I'm just not with the right guy. For example, I go to yoga and admire the men who are already in meditation before class, and who take the time to draw inwards for 1.5hrs out of their day. Yah, maybe I really should be with a yogi, who's more like me. Then I get home, and my man is on the couch, and I sit down beside him, and we debate about where we are going to stuff our face full of food for an hr. Then I remember why I'm with him. Because to be honest, I don't think my brain could take coming home to have more dharma banter: looking into the deepest nooks and crannies of life. I mean I love it, and that's why I teach, but there isn't enough room in our apartment for his home asana practice too.
Thank goodness an honest Hollywood movie made me feel like I wasn't the only one with my opposite.
Because we're so opposite there is a lot of charge between us. Passion can be so intense in a good and bad way. Obviously I won't go into detail about the good stuff ;) The bad stuff is this force that needs to be let out, and ends up escaping through passive aggression, the extra audible cupboard close, the snide slipped remarks, etc. But my favourite one, was also shared with Ryan and Michelle, in Blue Valentine. After a scene with tons of subtext, Ryan gave up the debate and said, "do you want to fight me?". Cut to a scene of Michelle playfully, but at times seriously, beating the shit out of him. I laughed and laughed at the parallels. Phew! I'm not the only psycho who needs to let a little passion out with a good, rough and tumble, play fight.
But then there are those real fights. Those tear jerkers, where you both show each other the door. Where you both give each other the option to leave, and to find someone better; someone who's a better fit. The ones where you're trying to stay strong for your team, but all you want is them to drop the gloves, to take you up in a dramatic embrace, and to say the most beautiful phrase in the world: "I'M SORRY". You wish you had the balls to do the same. Blue Valentine had many scenes of this exact thing. I bet Michelle was nominated for an Oscar, because these parts spoke to the common, human couple so strongly.
Parry always reminds me that couples fight, and that its healthy. You always return stronger, with a new understanding of your intimate other.
I have to remind myself to not compare my relationship to the make believe relationships that I think others have. That can ruin you!
Instead embrace that maybe you don't have a wedding song picked out! Embrace the fact that instead of dance lessons, you tango in other ways, in YOUR OWN ways! Embrace your differences, and see them as a way to educate each other. Embrace the fact that you can't explain, pinpoint, dissect, or control this love. Get lost in loves purest, most ancient energy. Let love live up to its slogan, "love's like a drug". Let it uproot you, let it make you high.
And there's no going to rehab for us; we chose love…. well for now :) Until I think that I'm the only one going through the shitty parts. But then I'm reminded again!
Thank you Blue Valentine for awakening me. To find out what path Ryan and Michelle choose, watch this indie. It's a goody.
Enjoy xo